The Vow of Marriage

A couple will take an oath and a vow of marriage, creating a bond between a man and woman.  I’m not going to get into a debate of what defines a marriage, but for clarity of this blog, I am talking about matrimony between a man and woman.

Vow (Promise) is to assure somebody that something will certainly happen or be done.

Marriage is a relationship between two people.

Oath is a formal or legally binding pledge to do something such as tell the truth in a court of law, made formally and often naming God or a loved one as a witness.

Bond is to link together, or cause people to be linked together, emotionally or psychologically.

When I was raised, I learned there were a few things considered sacred; one that was high on the list was the sanctity of marriage.

Sacredness is the condition of being considered sacred or holy, and therefore entitled to respect and reverence.

None of these are big words, and I think for the most part can be easily explained. But yet at the same time they mean so much and bring with them complications and misunderstanding.

A new special bond is created for each stage of the relationship growth; when the boy and the girl go from single to a couple, from the couple to engaged, and from being engaged to married. Each bond comes with a new group of attributes.

A marriage requires work, understanding, and compromise to make any marriage work.  Yes it will need effort from both parties to make it a successful marriage.  For those of that have never been married, it is not always butterflies in your tummy and kissy-kissy every moment. If you think so then you must also see unicorns.  Those good moments do exist, just not every waking moment like the infatuation stage of first meeting someone, but there is also the constant growth of love and understanding leading to a stronger bond, all built on the foundation of honesty, trust, and faith.  And yes, there will be issues that crop up from time to time, that need to be worked through together.  Sometimes those issues may lead to an argument. Having healthy arguments from time to time is okay and does not mean the marriage has major problems it is all part of the relationship. Just like being a little jealous is okay, not paranoid or controlling. If done correctly along with all the responsibilities of a marriage, there is still plenty of listening, friendship, compassion, unconditional love, laughter, dreams, care, respect, promises, and support of continued growth,

If you do not believe me when I say it is okay to argue, then who here has never had an argument with their mom or dad or best friend?  It is okay, raise your hand.  Oh and if anyone tells you their marriage is perfect then they are lying.

Without getting into a long drawn out list of factors that I think negatively impact and add extra stress to a marriage, I think one of the biggest is the lack of respect. For whatever reason society does not respect the bond of matrimony. When I grew up, if a girl was dating another guy, she was hands off; well at least until the couple broke up.  I am not naïve, but I also thought there was some unwritten rule in society that if a woman was married, she was definitely out of the picture. Call me crazy, but now it seems if someone is interested in someone else, being married is not even a reason. Rather just another challenge.  Advances will be made, and I am well aware it takes two to tango.  If one spouse forgot about their vow of marriage (remember the definitions listed above) or does not want to actually put forth any effort, it is easy for someone from the outside a relationship to help highlight all the bad things or missed opportunities which feeds negative energy into relationship.  Leading to the dreaded D word, divorce.

I’m not against divorce if it is warranted, i.e the two have done everything in their power to make the marriage work and it is just a lost cause.  But if a marriage is going to fall apart it should be up to the two in the relationship, not because of outside influences.  Now, it seems, even if a couple is married, someone can come along and derail a marriage, which can actually lead to infidelity, deceit, lack of respect,, and broken promises.  The person in the marriage may have forgotten or the outsider may not fully understand all the sacrifices, memories or ties that had been made by the marriage, especially if there are children involved.  All of a sudden someone is giving undivided attention, a few laughs, and maybe an ear to listen.  Of course they can, all the “stuff” that comes with a marriage does not exist.  Everything seems easy.  Then a new relationship starts to build.  New promises of never ending hand holding, smiles, love, and happy-ever-after’s. And before you know it, another divorce is listed on the court docket for irreconcilable differences.

With enough discussion, anyone can find bad things in a marriage.  And if given enough time, one of the two may actually start to believe the grass is greener somewhere else; when in fact, it will probably be just be another relationship with its own issues, maybe until someone else comes along.

If you’re married, make sure you remember your vows, communicate often.  Make sure there are plenty of hand-holding, hugs¸ and kisses. Always say your hello’s and goodbye’s. 

NEVER, EVER forget to say I love you.

“Sometimes people make stupid mistakes. When they realize it, it will be too late.”